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Category Archives: therapy

Fat Oppression – How to Reclaim Your Self-Esteem

In recent years fat oppression, more Eatingcommonly known as “fat shaming”, has become accepted as the “done thing”. Magazines, TV shows and public figures like Katie Hopkins have made “pointing out a person is fat” acceptable. When clicking on the comment section or a message board where people are discussing other people, more often than not the first things that is discussed is a person’s look and weight with their personality or accomplishments only mentioned as an afterthought. We are living in a shallow world, and anyone not possessing what is seen as the “ideal body” or just different in any way is in for scrutiny.

Being bigger than others has never been easy, except maybe when living in Rubenesque times, I can testify to this: even in the 1990's growing up as a “big kid” was hell at school. But this was AT SCHOOL, kids usually grow up knowing better and stop the bullying when they reach 19. Not this generation: adults gleefully approach other adults in the street, asking “when is it due”, knowing a person isn't pregnant. They think nothing of saying: “should you be doing that”, if they see what they consider to be a “fat person” eating in the street. This used to be taboo. Not anymore.
Many people think pointing out a person is fat helps the “fat person” in some twisted way. Well, no it doesn't: usually they are aware of the problem, thank you, pointing it out only works demotivating.
Of course not everyone is like this, there are many people out there who don't care about how you look. In fact, there are even so called “chubby chasers” out there, folk only falling for those that have “something to grab hold off”. Good to know, of course. But when you are feeling insecure about your weight and have suffered several upsetting altercations with people that judged you, knowing this won’t help: you are sure the entire world is against you and these people are just lying to be kind.
Nobody chooses to be fat and often it has little to do with food intake. My weight gain was sudden. When I was about 7 my weight suddenly changed, almost overnight. I had not changed eating habits, I was a dancer so got a lot of exercise. Still I became fat, and as a result people begun to treat me differently. “I'm not sure you should” were added when cake and candies were handed out at birthdays, judgemental looks were included with my chips, etc. I was never a binger, hardly able to empty my plate at the best of times. My mum schlepped me around from clinic to clinic to find what was wrong with me. At around age 12 I was virtually anorexic, dancing to Michael Jackson most of the day and still I did not lose weight. I tried diet after diet, miracle cure after miracle cure and guess what: I still have nothing to show for it.
This is true for many people.
Of course there are people that gain weight because of food, but it is not something they choose to do either. Usually there is something deeper than “I like to eat” that makes people reach out for comfort foods.
No matter how you gained weight, the end results are often the same: insecurity and a constant fear of being judged. This causes stress and stress often results in weight gain, even if you try to diet. Dieting and not losing weight is even more depressing and you can end up in a vicious self-hating cycle. Others may lose weight, but often find they are still not happy on the inside, not even after all that work.
This vicious cycle is something not many people are able to break, and only few are aware that counselling is an option that could help break it. It is understandable that a person that has been or at least felt judged all his or her life may find it difficult to seek help. This is understandable because some might have met, in the past, with unsympathetic doctors or others in the “care” industry that were not as caring as they could have been. The difference here is that a counsellor is not there to look at your shape and size of your body and judge you. He or she is there to look at your internal world and how this is reflected in your relation with your body and with others. He/she might assist you in finding your self-worth and self-love before you try changing anything about your body. Once you have accepted yourself on the inside, you might not even care about the outside. This is what a counsellor can help you to achieve: inner peace, self-respect to make you see that no one should be able to make you feel bad about yourself, no one has that power.
The support and advice of a counsellor can break years of bad programming you may have internalised. It can also help you on the road to reclaim your self-esteem and help you either accept yourself as you are or help you find a way to lose weight on your own terms. But accepting yourself comes first. Always. No matter how thin or big you are, only the love you have for yourself can make you look truly beautiful and once you find that, weight no longer matters.

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Why Couples Counselling

Couples TherapyWhen we fall in love the last thing on our minds is future pain. The beginning of love is joyand quite thick rose tinted glasses. Everything about our partner is perfect, nothing is annoying, and it is all practically perfect.

But everything changes with time, including the way we view people and the one we love is not immune to this. Tiny things you liked as a “quirk” in the past might begin to grate on you in the present. Things you used to agree on can now lead to arguments, as you or your partner might have changed opinions on them. You may feel you have grown and your partner has stayed the same and is becoming boring. Maybe you feel as if you've grown apart. All this could lead to not feeling happy or satisfied in your relationship anymore.

Obviously this could be resolved by simply talking to one another, but often this is where the problem begins: you or your partner could be scared of admitting that there are problems. Or you might want to talk, but don't know how. You have tried to talk, but things came out wrong or are simply misunderstood, leading to an argument and a continuous strain in the relationship. Some people just let things build up between one another, until inevitably they grow apart to such a degree that separation seems to be the only option. Or maybe you are arguing about hundreds of little things instead of discussing the one thing that matters, this too often leads to the mutual decision of ending the relationship.

What if deep down inside you still love your partner and you want to make it work but just don't know how? There are things that can be done, but you need to be open to accepting outside help from a stranger. Someone, trained in dealing with problems like these, could help you talk about your problems in a new environment without history.

Relationship Counselling also known as Couples Counselling or Marriage Guidance, is one of the more well-known forms of counselling, mainly because TV shows often use it as some sort of jokey plot devise. This has led to couples being wary of taking this step. These couples are missing out on valuable help, as Couples Counselling can be an effective way of getting couples to open up to each other, listen and to help them understand where problems lay. Contrary to the TV shows: you will NOT be told what to do, or receive some hippy-dippy therapy: Instead you will finally sit down with your partner and reflect on the past and present, while looking toward the future. The counsellor is there to guide, to raise awareness on issues that get ignored in the heat of the moment and to keep the conversation going. They do not take decisions for you, they do not take sides, and they are there for both of you as the relationship is the priority, not the individual.

The biggest fear of talking to a partner can be that of opening up even more: you live with a person every day and they already know so much, what more do you want to share? Often they don't know as much as you think, and things simply hover in the air unsaid. Gentle guidance of a trained counsellor can help you to speak words you have been afraid to say. Letting go of so much anxiety and fear in front of a partner can give quite a boost to a relationship, because a deeper understanding is built.

Is there a right time to seek help? You might wonder. The right time to seek help is when it feels right for you. If you feel you need help, then you need help. Don't worry if a problem may be “too little”. A small problem is never small if it stands in the way of your happiness. You might also worry that a problem is not really a “couples’ problem”. But in fact: anything that stands between two partners IS a couples’ problem.

Of course taking Couples Counselling will not necessarily mean the two of you will be together. But even then it is beneficial: it will help both of you realise where you went wrong and support you for the further decisions. You will end up with everything out in the open: no questions, no lingering “what ifs” or loose ends. You will find it easier to separate on good terms and stay friendly, if it comes to that. This will also benefit children, if they are in the picture.

You may end up feeling stronger as a couple, as a person or both. Don't wait until a “small” problem has grown. You are together right now and deserve to spend time together in love, not sadness. Take the step towards making things better.

Dannii Cohen

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You Can Overcome Eating Disorders

eating disorderYou Can Overcome an Eating Disorder

In the UK, eating disorders are more common than most people think. In fact, healthcare professionals assert that approximately 1.4 million men, women, and youth contend with an eating disorder like anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating.  That is a lot of suffering occurring right there.

An eating disorder can be classified as a disorder in which one focuses on food much of the time and finds it difficult to focus on other things. Experiencing such a disorder can pose many health threats and can even become life-threatening.

Do you have an eating disorder?

Those that suffer with an eating disorder have a difficult time recognizing that they do. It is usually family members or friends that become concerned about their behaviors associated with food.  They may begin to lose weight rapidly and/or take exercise to an addiction level. They may obsess about food, preparing delicious meals or becoming obsessed with recipes, yet they will only eat tiny bits of foods themselves. They may continually talk about how overweight they are, even though they are not. An eating disorder can literally take over your life.  Along with obsessing about food, you may begin to experience a host of negative emotions like sadness, anxiety, anger, frustration, shame, and more. You may also become fatigued, having little energy to go about your normal daily routine.

If you think you are struggling with an eating disorder, it is important that you be courageous and seek professional help for the matter. No, it might not be easy to pick up the phone or email for an appointment with a counselor, but it is the very first step to overcoming the eating disorder and the emotional and/or mental problems that may accompany it.

What are some red flags when it comes to eating disorders?

  • Not eating at meal time
  • Eating just a tiny bit at meal times, often the foods that have little calories
  • Preparing wonderful meals for others, yet choosing not to eat them yourself
  • Obsessing about recipes/collecting many
  • Skipping many meals
  • Displaying odd eating rituals/habits, like cutting up your food into little pieces
  • Binging on food and then purging
  • Using laxatives
  • Seeing yourself as overweight when others tell you that you are too thin
  • Hiding your body under baggy clothes
  • Only eating in secret

If you recognize yourself in some of these symptoms, you should consider seeing a professional for an assessment.  You could very well be suffering from an eating disorder.

The causes of eating disorders vary. Here are a few theories:

Biological Issues. Some theorize that sufferers could be predisposed to genes that make them more vulnerable to experiencing an eating disorder.

Psychological Issues.  Some people that struggle with eating disorders have psychological or emotional issues that may contribute.  They may have low self-worth, shame, or have suffered some trauma at some point in their lives.

Societal Issues. For those that live in the West, society tends to equate thinness with beauty and success, which is completely false. The media promotes this often, so it is important that men, women, and youth recognize that this type of reinforcement is simply hogwash.

Treatment

Should you feel you are struggling with an eating disorder, you may benefit greatly from counselling.  You can learn to manage your symptoms and cope with stress and negative emotions with positive coping skills. As you contend with any underlying issues, freeing yourself from the pain and suffering associated with it, you might become more confident and happy with yourself- inside and out!

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Tips For Climbing Out of the Pit of Depression

DepressionEver had a season of depression that just wiped you out?  You want to feel all happy, but for some reason you just can’t. You lie in bed at night thinking how yucky your life is and you wake up in the morning dreading yet another day.

Yes, depression is a real downer.

It really is such an energy zapper, sometimes even making everyday tasks difficult to accomplish. The severely depressed have a difficult time getting the gumption to shower or even cook a meal and eat.

The good news is that you don’t have to allow depression to completely rule your life.  You may have a day or two of the blues (everyone is entitled to those), but depression and darkness do not have to be your reality for weeks, months, or years.

By all means head to your GP if you’ve tried to beat your depression and can’t. He or she will be able to assess whether you’re dealing with long term depression or some temporary general unhappiness. Should your state of depression be situational, there are things you can do to take control of some symptoms by making lifestyle changes that have been found to alleviate many symptoms of depression.

Here are some great changes you can make:

  • Exercise regularly

If you want to take control over your depression, exercise is a great way to start.  By committing to an exercise regime throughout the week, your mood may be elevated.  When we exercise, our bodies produce a chemical that makes us feel more pleasant and we also tend to feel better about ourselves, as we are being constructive with our time.  You can take a brisk walk, join a gym, engage a friend in golf or tennis, or go for a swim. The exercise does not even need to be strenuous. Simply planting flowers or a small garden is an example of calm, light exercise that will give you a boost emotionally.

  • Change your eating habits

Another great lifestyle change involves your eating habits.  It is so easy to get caught up eating unhealthy foods, which have the effect of making one feel sluggish and possibly gain weight.  Our bodies need healthy foods to be at their optimal performance. Begin to eliminate unhealthy foods one at a time and introduce healthy foods into your diet.  Eat plenty of fruit and vegetables, drink plenty of water, take vitamins, and stay away from sugar as much as possible.  You will find that as you progress in eating healthier, you will feel better about yourself mentally and your body will begin to feel better as well.

  • Acquire a supportive network

Having friends or family is important, as it is oftentimes a relief to be able to share concerns, stressors, fears, etc. with a supportive person.  If you communicate your problems to a person that you trust, you might feel better after sharing your experiences with them. You can also consider going for counseling for help.  You might be able to honestly communicate your problems and receive support, becoming more aware of your emotions and thoughts with someone who has been trained in listening attentively without judging you.

  • Consider getting a pet

Pets can be very therapeutic for those who struggle with loneliness or depression.  Consider getting a cat or a dog to offer company and unconditional love.  Plenty of men and women have gained a sense of approval and feel needed as their `pets’ lavish love on them.  If you are not able to have animals in your home, you could purchase a bird or even a hamster or guinea pig.

  • Meditate

Some people have found relief from depressive symptoms by regular meditation. Even just five or ten minutes of solitude deliberately paying attention to the present moment in a non-judgmental way, may be all that is needed to get you feeling better.

  • Get out with a friend

Isolation will not do you any good or alleviate depressive symptoms. Make the effort to get out with a friend and do something that you enjoy. Being with another person, smiling, laughing, and talking will do wonders for your mood.

There are things that you can do to help alleviate symptoms of depression.  Give these tips a try for a few weeks and see if your mood improves. Sometimes you just have to dig deep and make yourself do the things you don’t really want to do to pull yourself up out of the pit of depression.  In the end, you’ll be glad you did. Today, make the decision to take action and do what you can to beat depression

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Could counselling be a choice for you?

images (1)Have you ever heard anyone saying 'this is just an excuse to wallow in misery”? If given the option would people really choose to wallow in misery as opposed to living a happy, fulfilled life? Fortunately statements like that are becoming less and less common and the stigma attached to mental health illnesses such as depression and anxiety has significantly diminished over the years. It is not so uncommon nowadays for people to look for counselling or psychotherapy as a way to overcome difficulties or as a powerful ally against the battles of mental illnesses.

A frequent misinterpretation of looking for counselling is that only weak people or ‘losers’ do it. This could not be further from the truth. As Richard Taite, founder of Cliffside Malibu, a Drug & Alcohol Addiction treatment centre in the America, said “Not only do successful people not fear therapy, they embrace it…. Psychotherapy is a tool that creates success. Smart people use it.”

Awareness of mental health illnesses has also increased in recent years in the UK. The Mental Health Foundation (UK’s leading mental health research, policy and service improvement charity) has created the Mental Health Awareness Week. For one week each May they campaign around a specific theme. This year’s theme was anxiety, one of the leading causes of mental ill-health in the world.

British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP)’s Governor, Dr Andrew Reeves says that the greater awareness of mental health illnesses, largely thanks to high profile people such as Alastair Campbell speaking out about it, is also relevant. "While, traditionally, things got worse and worse until the GP eventually prescribed medication, I think this growing awareness has made people much more likely to recognise and acknowledge their own mental health problems and be more proactive in seeking support at an earlier stage."

A BACP survey carried out earlier this year has revealed that 28 per cent of Britons have consulted a counsellor or a psychotherapist, compared to just one in five people in 2010. “The significant increase in the number of people consulting a counsellor or psychotherapist is evidence that people are seeing more and more value in these extremely effective interventions” says Dr Andrew Reeves.

It makes sense to think that if you had a heart condition you would look for a cardiologist, or if you had a broken arm you would be seen by an orthopaedist. Therefore with the awareness of mental health problems increasing and the stigma around it decreasing, people in the UK might find it a bit easier to look for a counsellor or psychotherapist if they feel they can benefit from it or envisage the chance of leading a happier, less stressful life.

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